A Bitter Pill?

Whilst reading tweets from single ladies, I couldn’t help but notice there’s a lot of man haters out there. Have we forgotten how to give people the benefit of the doubt after one too many bad dates? Tarnished with the same brush, the women seem to have united to form a defence system. They protect the tribe, and throw shade to all the men they date and it doesn’t go the way they long for it to. I’m certain it’s probably the same for the single males too.

It saddens me that such hatred can occur from a situation which mimics trying on various pairs of gloves to see which one fits. It’s nobody’s fault if a date doesn’t flow, it takes two to hold a conversation and the fact of the matter is, it’s just not the right fit! My pet hate is when less confident people project the blame on the other person saying they’re not fun. Everyone is fun in their own ways and fun is measured differently from each individual anyway. Who has the right to decide what’s fun and what isn’t? What saddens me more is knowing that this attitude towards dating is diminishing their chances of finding the one because they have already given up hope, have already decided what type of bad arse person this is before they go on the date. Besides, who’s going to find a man/woman-hater attractive anyway?

We all need to be more open to date on the mission to find love, and kinder towards those who we meet along the way. They’re the ones who give us the experiences that make us who we are today, after all.

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Just your average dating story- fifth instalment.

thDHOOFE9Z It was finally the evening of the first date with James. It took a good thirty minutes of trying on various outfits and tossing them aside in a pile on the floor before I decided on my new high-waisted jeans and crop top combo. I had no idea where we were going which didn’t help matters. James insisted on planning the whole evening, leaving it as a surprise for me. Apparently that’s what the guy does where he’s from. I wasn’t complaining, well apart from the fact I didn’t dare wear my new dress due to visions of us going gliding with my hair and dress flapping wildly in the wind. Obviously, I gave the chosen combo the wow factor by teaming it with healed platforms, and dedicating time curling my hair and perfecting my make-up. I felt hot and therefore, I had to take a few selfies as a souvenir (this is what I have found myself doing since passing thirty). I got into the mood by indulging in one or two glasses of rum and coke, and listened to music which brought out the minx in me. It was soon time to leave feeling excited yet slightly apprehensive not only that James liked me but whether I felt the same way about him. It had been a few weeks since I’d last seen him after all. I walked up the steps to the quirky little joint where I was told to meet my date. It was full of laughter, and eyes following me to the bar. Why is it, a lady entering a pub alone is instantly preyed upon? I glanced over to the bar and could not hide a smile of relief as my eyes met with James’. He had obviously made an effort, wearing a smart jumper and shirt combo. I could not help but wonder how many outfits he tried on that evening? Most probably just the one, men don’t seem to have this issue, apparently. As soon as I was in his presence my nerves disappeared. It was the familiar guy I spent, passing the time at the side-lines, chatting about nonsense. I think you can build these things up too much once it has been labelled a date. James did the gentlemanly thing in ordering me a drink, and the conversation flowed as it always did… With little or no awkward silences. How could this be possible, I could talk to this guy like a friend yet I still fancied him? This was new territory for me, usually I could gossip away with a guy because he was in the friend zone or I went disastrously shy after deciding a guy was hot and intimidating. After drinks, we ate at a tasty little deli by day that transformed into a candle-lit bistro by night. And yes, I could also eat infront of this guy. There was none of that delicately dicing my food into mouse-sized portions, and gently nibbling it after finding that my stomach had closed for the evening. We shared a love of seafood, and after both deciding on the same dishes, it made sense that we shared a few plates. However, I could tell that James was holding back and he would have most probably polished off the entire banquet in ten if I wasn’t sat opposite. This was kind of endearing. At the end of the meal there is usually that awkwardness of who would be paying the bill. I always offer and am happy to pay and can’t help but sometimes feel offended when I am refused. But I knew that this insulted men and I had to simple bite my lip and be grateful for the gesture, even if it is something out of a 50’s movie. As we walked to the taxi rank, I could not help but lean my newly delicate frame into his. There was a chill in the night air after all. Then, we suddenly stilled, and our eyes met. It felt like the perfect moment to seal the evening with a kiss, and right on cue, the smooth operator read the signals, swooping in for a kiss. As our lips locked, I felt the electricity, like the moment our hands first connected. In the taxi ride home, I could not control my giddiness, along with the smirk fixed to my face.

Does seeing someone attract other potential partners?

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Am I alone in thinking love interests are like buses… None show up and then they all come at once?

In the past I have experienced long dry spells of serial dating but nothing ever getting past the second or third date. But then over the last six months, things have been somewhat different. I have been in new territory, a period of permanently seeing someone one after the other whether that be for a month at a time or more.  It appears that being found attractive by someone, attracts others, and this has lead to interesting (and interested) guys coming out of the woodwork.

Perhaps when you are coupled up (whether it is deemed to last or not) you radiate a happiness or a self-confidence in which the opposite sex detect and prey upon? Or maybe this is just another example of how giving up online dating has opened up new opportunities which had gone unnoticed before now? It will be interesting to see if the ‘My Light is on’ pin badges will help others to find love interests the organic way by erasing the issues of being dubious whether the hot girl or guy in the supermarket is single and is looking to date, as well as being a conversation starter!

Let us make this campaign happen!

Just your average dating story- second instalment.

untitled (4) After a while, the buzz of making contact with guys from behind a computer screen, loses it’s appeal. It becomes draining sieving through the endless profiles which don’t reach your impeccably high standards. The text talk messages become infuriating ‘hey ur sexy, wanna meet?’ Soon the site was only being visited every other day and that was only because it had become routine like brushing your teeth. It was whilst shopping in a supermarket when a guy suddenly caught my eye. He attempted to hold a stare but I could only muster cooly strutting away whilst smirking like a cat who got the cream. It was a glimmer of hope that there are actually guys around you who pass you daily, going unnoticed. It suddenly dawned on me, when was the last time I went out for drinks with friends? Date nights were a regular occurrence but when was the last time I ventured out for fun? It’s very easy to become sucked into living in the virtual world, and I vowed there and then that it was time to change. This is achieved by getting out and about, instead of racing home to your inbox, firstly involving deleting every single one of the dating profiles (including any having subscription left). It feels fantastic, just as it did when we burnt our school uniform in the summer of 99 (or was that just us being rebels?). I contacted friends who had recently been neglected, and begged them to escape for a good old boogie. I spent more time hanging out in general whether that be in the park or visiting a museum for the tenth time. The obsession of being in a relationship is replaced with having a good time. I suddenly felt powerful and carefree, oozing confidence. This of course meant that I could now hold a gaze with a cute stranger. For the first time, I was enjoying life and did not need a relationship to fulfil it.   ‘You will meet Mr Right when you least expect it’. Isn’t this the reassurance your married friends fill your head with? Well perhaps they’re right. It was the most unlikely scenario that I met someone… At my son’s football club Christmas disco of all places! I was wearing an old, bobbly woollen jumper, and I hadn’t even bothered to reapply my makeup from the morning, and my hair was in a falling out state. I was sat with my married friends having a beer which was even a sophisticated can of Stella I was cradling. I was deep in conversation whilst overlooking the dance floor when I caught the eye of a cute looking guy sporting a Christmas jumper. I didn’t even think anything of it because he had two boys in tow and was obviously another one of the married men who get their frills by stalking women with stares just with the glimmer of hope that they will respond, to boost their ego. I acted cool, looking anywhere but in the cute guy’s direction whilst ensuring that I appeared to be having a great time, giggling at all of my friend’s jokes. I even braved a strut past the guy without even acknowledging him. But he was persistent as he moved over to our side of the hall, I could feel his piercing gaze. I couldn’t help but feel intrigued, and saddened when he suddenly was no longer in sight. I simply resigned to the fact that it was another brief encounter with a guy that I would never see again. But I promised myself that if I did see the mystery man at the side of a football pitch the next day (the final day before the Christmas break), then I would approach him. And there he was. Cool as a cucumber, I stood next to him in the huddle waiting for the children to be released. I caught his gaze and in true Bridget Jone’s style I asked  him “not wearing your Christmas jumper today?”

Just your average dating story- first instalment.

It is incredibly difficult to meet a potential partner with a child in tow. People just assume you’re in a relationship. Work was a joke, there is a shortage of men teaching in primary schools. And (I hate to stereotype) the few sports coaches who did flatter the ladies, were usually straight out of college. Nights out with the ladies seem to have declined over the years as one by one, they found their prince charming, and produced offspring. The rare occasions when we did escape, you could not but help thinking this was your one and only time to meet someone, in a 5 hour window of opportunity. This only ever attracts those on their weekly mission for a casual one night stand. In my thirties, I would never lower my standards to this.

There was only one thing for it… online dating. Friend’s had met their husbands on free dating sites, and I guess I was intrigued. Writing a profile is a bit of a challenge for someone who is extremely modest such as myself. How do you blow your own trumpet without sounding like an egotistical ar**! Looking at other women’s profiles (for research purposes) was a huge mistake. My hidden competitiveness could not help but make an appearance. Their profiles were sexy, sassy and witty. It didn’t take long to reach the point of pressing the button, the button that made you become a piece of meat hung out for predators near and far to nibble on. And that’s just how it felt at first. Suddenly my inbox was inundated with winks, messages and invitations to chat. Perhaps this was a good sign. It could not help but feel wrong to scan through peoples profiles like they were CV’s. You soon got into a pattern of sieving through those who were of no interest to you, and detecting those who were players by key words hidden within their profiles. And the naked selfies in the mirror…. Well that was just desperate!!! But even through the commotion, you could not help but become addicted to the site, wondering if anyone new had entered the arena or whether your Mr Right was sitting behind a computer screen. It did not take me long to stop living in the real world, and excitedly hurry back home to my laptop to have a quick flirt or feeling giddy at the thought of going on a first date with someone you had been chatting with for a few weeks. This is where the problem occurred. A pattern was emerging, investing weeks to one person on the screen, whose photos gave the perception of a sex god, and the detailed profile lead me to believe that this was the perfect boyfriend. You could not help but build up a whole package in your head based on the snippets of clues offered to you through your laptop. Over time, this evolved further, until you had created your perfect avatar who you expected to meet during a perfect date. Unfortunately, reality was somewhat different. The person in front of you ended up being your avatar’s somewhat shorter and older cousin, with a tiny resemblance of the person on the computer screen, with a much squeakier voice and excitable mannerisms and gestures. After much conversation (well, if would be rude to leave after 10 minutes) it emerged that the business that they were CEO of, was actually a selling site on Ebay. There is only one thing that runs through your mind at this point… How the hell do I get out of this date quickly and painlessly? Needless to say, this was never achieved promptly by someone with impeccable manners and who feels some sort of loyalty to the person they had been speaking to over the past few weeks, as to not hurt their feelings. When you did escape, you knew the next dilemma you faced… How to let him down gently when you get the text saying that they hope you got home safe, and that they enjoyed your company and would love to do it again. Again, this is challenging for a nice person, to ignore the text would just be cruel. It always ended up as a polite cover up of the original ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.

So, this went on for some time with the same pattern of events, ending with the deflated feeling that yet again, there was no spark when you met the person. You could not but help think that you were a commitment phobe or something. When you’re single, everyone around you looks happy in a relationship, and let’s face it, sometimes you cannot help but think that they must have settled for less. The more you thought about finding Mr Right, the more of an obsession it became. The loneliest times were the winter months which were bleaker than ever with no one to hibernate with. As were those sick days or bad days at the office where you craved for someone to hold you and tell you that everything will be okay.