I get annoyed at the movies, such as Bridget Jones where you spend the entire first movie following the complications of the character’s quest to bag the man. And then the second and third films see the pattern start all over again where she loses and then bags the man. But perhaps this is simply the true to life, rollercoaster?
We spend so much time finding the one and assume that when they come along, everything will be ok. Our lives will be complete. This could be where the fairy tales ended as children where the beautiful understated girl bagged her hansom prince and lived happily ever after in the palace? But life is somewhat different. You face new problems.
The fact of the matter is, I was single for ten years whilst bringing up my son. Don’t get me wrong, I had relationships but they never lasted beyond nine months. I was fussy in my old age for one thing. Internet dating became an obsession where I found myself racing home to check out if their were any fresh meat on the site. It wasn’t until I accidently bumped into a guy (who wasn’t my type in the slightest) whilst having a shit day, when it all changed. David was not the older man I usually go for yet he put me in my place more than anyone could and was very worldly. These were both attributes I found attractive in a partner.
We took things slowly which worked for me. Every date was new and left butterflies in my stomach. David worked away a lot and was originally rom the Manchester which meant he had a daughter up there who he spent much time visiting. He was a good Dad which is also appealing. He soon built an amazing relationship with my son. David had previously been in long relationships so he wasn’t the type of guy to shy away from commitment. He was actually better at it than me, and it didn’t take long to say the ‘L’ word. Although we didn’t see each other every day, David called me every night. Sounds perfect? So why isn’t it?
The truth of the matter is, there are always problems. There is no such thing as a happy ever after (I hope this doesn’t rain on your parade too much). Eighteen months down the line and nothing has changed. We still enjoy each other’s company and the spark is most definitely there but that is just it. Things haven’t changed and don’t promise to anytime soon. Baggage has dealt us a rubbish card. Not on my side of things, I’ve never been married and bring my son up entirely on my own so no exes involved. Likewise work for me is not tying in any way. However, David is not yet divorced from his crazy ex, who has poisoned the mind of his child to the point that he doesn’t want to meet me under any circumstances. And David is married to his job which means he has to go wherever they send him and remain living a good hour’s drive away for the next six years. Some might say, be grateful for what you’ve got. Soulmates don’t come around too often but doesn’t this feel worse? You have found yours yet everything is working against you. Sod’s law I think they call it. If I didn’t realise how rare it is to find someone, then I would have given up on things a long time ago. I would say I’m very much hanging on in there. Am I patient or a mug? I find myself asking.
The moral of the story is, perhaps we need to stop looking for the perfect life and just make do with what we’ve got. Otherwise we’ll spend our entire lives looking for perfection instead of living it.